Step-Mom on a Mine Field

Where has this year gone?!  I cannot believe that Christmas is three months (90 days; 2161 hours; ah, you get the picture) away?!  This year is going to be very special for me since it will be my first Christmas with Woody, and my first Christmas to buy gifts for my stepson, let's use my Mom's nickname for him, Speez.  However, this also leads to many questions I have never had to consider before. . .

Speez is a fascinating young man.  He will be fully preteen next week!  He's creative, analytical, polite, sweet, and just generally kind.  His parents are on opposite ends of the spectrum on almost everything, it seems.  In turn, that makes Speez' mother and I on opposite ends of the spectrum since Woody and I are so in-sync when it comes to everything:  religion, politics, family values.  Yet, through all the differences, Speez has a true goodness about him.  I think we have a lot in common.  My parents divorced when I was younger than he was and they are also complete opposites. 

What is my role in Speez' life?  I believe my primary role is to love and support his father and work to encourage his relationship with his son.  I also believe that my job is to love and support Speez.  He has a Mom, he doesn't need another one.  However, you can never have too many people who love you and want what's best for you. 

How do I get along with someone whom I would never choose as a friend?  I believe my role is to help Woody through the difficult times when he and Speez' mom (let's call her "The Mom") do not see eye-to-eye.  One thing I can never say about my own Mom is that she spoke ill of my biological father in my presence or within earshot of me.  She must have carried an immense burden in holding back, but she did that for me - not for him.  I will also do that for Speez.  Any discord between Woody and "The Mom" should not envelope Speez.  There is not one thing I have in common with "The Mom" EXCEPT Speez - and he takes priority now.  For the rest of my life, our lives are intersected.  My personal preferences about character, politics, and core values do not matter.  It hurts me to the core to hear that she's made comments to Speez that my marriage will fail, but that cannot be my concern.  I will never negate or diminish her vital role in Speez' life. 

How do we make Speez a priority, yet not allow "The Mom" to dictate our schedule?  Woody and I agree that our priority list goes in a specific order:  God, spouse, children, family, friends.  If we don't live our lives according to this order, things become chaotic.  On the flip side, since Speez lives 2 1/2 hours away from us, how do we set a consistent schedule when "The Mom" is unwilling to work with us?  That is a mine field I haven't quite figured out how to traverse just yet.  The only solution I have come up with time and time again, "Let go, let God!".  I pray about it, and after last night, I pray a lot more frequently that God will help me hold my tongue. 

Ten years from now, I hope to be writing about the time when "The Mom" and I didn't agree but came to a mutual decision to put aside our personal preferences to better Speez' life.  In the meantime, I think I will try to save as much money as I can between now and December and buy Speez a better gift than "The Mom". . .  (just kidding!)