I'm not a fan of insurance - on any level. It's misleading, corrupt, and discriminating. It's also necessary. And, with the new changes that will go into effect, by the beginning of next year it will be MANDATORY. If you don't pay the insurance company you will have to pay the IRS.
Let's add a bit more perspective on this subject. . . Pretend that we pay $350 per paycheck for family medical coverage. That is $9,100 per year. On top of that, we'll say we each have to meet a $1000 deductible. For a family of three we are now at $12,100 per year. Do you know what the average out-of-pocket is to have a baby if you DON'T have insurance right now because the doctors and hospitals give you a discount? About $4,500 which includes antepartum, delivery, and postpartum care. Yet, it's still considered "more affordable" to have the insurance because we don't look at the big picture. We get used to our paycheck being reduced. We adapt and budget based on what we bring home. Then, when the hospital tells us that our insurance covered all but the deductible and 10% we literally jump for joy that we don't have to come up with the $4,500. Nope, instead, we're coming up with over three times that amount when it's all said and done.
This particular subject has infuriated me even more now that I'm about to deliver. When I first discovered I was pregnant, we didn't have insurance. In fact, we only acquired it on May 1st. Prior to the insurance we had been on a payment plan with our doctor's office - a doctor that I ADORED. She was amazing and I was so grateful that I had found her. Unfortunately, now that we have insurance coverage that doesn't have any limitations or pre-existing condition clauses, all antepartum care should have been covered starting on the policy effective date. WRONG!! Because my doctor is an employee of an apparently very large medical group that has a department supervisor for billing, they were unwilling to bill the services individually UNTIL I left the practice and found a new doctor. So, on the same day that I marked 34 weeks gestation I was meeting with a midwife to take over my care. Talk about an emotional roller coaster! Oh, and the previous office managed to absorb 70% of the money I had prepaid for the total service, so the refund was minimal.
It is these things that add so much stress in a time when I should be able to just enjoy becoming a Mother. Do I feel better ranting about it? Marginally. In approximately two weeks (or less) I will be welcoming my son into this corrupt, fallen world. And, in order to spend as much time with him as possible, I will be void of a paycheck so that I can recover, bond, and establish a routine for 6 weeks BEFORE I start paying someone else to care for my son so that I can return to making money. But that's a whole other topic of discussion. . .
On days like this, I need to stop looking at the earthly limitations and focus on praying. I have a promise from our Lord and Savior that He will not forsake me. I have my wonderful husband to share this crazy journey. I have an amazing family. I have true, great friendships. And, while there never seems to be any money, we somehow always have enough, even if it "just barely". Those are great things!!
Thursday, June 20, 2013
Monday, March 4, 2013
Oh, the Changes!
It doesn't seem possible that 2012 is over, and it seems even less possible that we are already in March! I REALLY need things to slow down - just a touch.
Let's start with my 2012 in review:
WHEW!! What a year full of changes. I'm a firm believer that change is easy; adapting to the change is where there's often difficulty. For instance, the changes that a woman's body must undergo starting very early to accomodate a little alien that takes over. The actual change happened literally overnight, the adaptation is still a work in progress. I'm now certain that I will be fully adapted right about the time that my baby arrives, just in time for everything to change again!
Speaking of baby, we are having a BOY!! It's a very odd realization to think I'm growing a tiny little penis inside of me right now. We women are amazing!!
There have been some big highs, and some big lows. In addition to all of the changes my son is causing, we've also been learning to "be married". I know that a lot of people say that the first year is always the hardest - maybe it's because of all of the changes? I've had to learn to share my home, and not just a little bit. My body was invaded by an alien. At times I just feel invaded. The things that drive me crazy about Woody are probably the same things that drive him crazy about me. Our home is a disorganized wreck right now, which drives me bonkers yet I have no motivation AT ALL to change this fact.
It seems that everything keeps coming back to change. . .
Let's start with my 2012 in review:
- Reconnected with a childhood friend, who became my best friend and confidant.
- Fell in love with my best friend and got engaged.
- Started working for a new dental practice that I love! Finally, I am enjoying my job again.
- Married the love of my life.
- Found a church with Woody and was baptized.
- Discovered we were pregnant followed by a miscarriage 5 days later.
- Decided to schedule doctor's appointment to discuss extra precaution to prevent another pregnancy for a couple of years.
- Discovered we were pregnant again one week prior to the above mentioned doctor's appointment.
- First Thanksgiving and Christmas with Woody; first Christmas with my step-son, Speez.
- New Year's Eve pregnant. . . Nap to enable late alertness, Chinese delivery, and a sip of champagne at midnight.
WHEW!! What a year full of changes. I'm a firm believer that change is easy; adapting to the change is where there's often difficulty. For instance, the changes that a woman's body must undergo starting very early to accomodate a little alien that takes over. The actual change happened literally overnight, the adaptation is still a work in progress. I'm now certain that I will be fully adapted right about the time that my baby arrives, just in time for everything to change again!
Speaking of baby, we are having a BOY!! It's a very odd realization to think I'm growing a tiny little penis inside of me right now. We women are amazing!!
There have been some big highs, and some big lows. In addition to all of the changes my son is causing, we've also been learning to "be married". I know that a lot of people say that the first year is always the hardest - maybe it's because of all of the changes? I've had to learn to share my home, and not just a little bit. My body was invaded by an alien. At times I just feel invaded. The things that drive me crazy about Woody are probably the same things that drive him crazy about me. Our home is a disorganized wreck right now, which drives me bonkers yet I have no motivation AT ALL to change this fact.
It seems that everything keeps coming back to change. . .
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
Praying
It's been a turbulent month! I have a whole new respect for women; we must have some super powers. No matter what obstacle many of are faced with, we deal. Me, not so much anymore. Our little Pip has sent me on an emotional roller coaster ride for which I do not see an end in sight.
I'm tired, really tired, all of the time. And, I'm cranky. Horribly cranky. I love my husband dearly, but right now everything he does annoys me. Which, in turn, makes him feel like he cannot do anything right. I don't feel like I know who I am anymore.
Recently, a hiccup in Woody's past has made me completely lose my grip on reality. I'm always the one saying, "be the bigger person", "don't fight back", "pray for them". . . Lately, I'm praying like Jaron and the Long Road to Love's song:
"I haven't been to church since I don't remember when
Things were going great 'til they fell apart again
So I listened to the preacher as he told me what to do
He said you cant go hating others who have done wrong to you.
Sometimes we get angry, but we must not condemn.
Let the good Lord do His job and you just pray for them.
I pray your brakes go out running down a hill
I pray a flowerpot falls from a window sill and knocks you in the
head like I'd like to
I pray your birthday comes and nobody calls
I pray you're flying high when your engine stalls
I pray all your dreams never come true
Just know wherever you are honey, I pray for you
I'm really glad I found my way to church
'Cause I'm already feeling better and I thank God for his words.Yeah I'm going take the high road,
And do what the preacher told me to do,
You keep messing up and I'll keep praying for you.
I pray your tire blows out at 110.
I pray you pass out drunk with your best friend and wake up with
his and her tattoos.
I pray your brakes go out running down a hill.
I pray a flowerpot falls from a window sill and knocks you in the
head like I'd like to.
I pray your birthday comes and nobody calls
I pray you're flying high when your engine stalls
I pray all your dreams never come true
Just know wherever you are, near or far, in your house or in your
car,
wherever you are honey, I pray for you.
I pray for you"
It gives me an odd peace and comfort. Well, if you'll excuse me, I need to go say a real prayer now!
I'm tired, really tired, all of the time. And, I'm cranky. Horribly cranky. I love my husband dearly, but right now everything he does annoys me. Which, in turn, makes him feel like he cannot do anything right. I don't feel like I know who I am anymore.
Recently, a hiccup in Woody's past has made me completely lose my grip on reality. I'm always the one saying, "be the bigger person", "don't fight back", "pray for them". . . Lately, I'm praying like Jaron and the Long Road to Love's song:
"I haven't been to church since I don't remember when
Things were going great 'til they fell apart again
So I listened to the preacher as he told me what to do
He said you cant go hating others who have done wrong to you.
Sometimes we get angry, but we must not condemn.
Let the good Lord do His job and you just pray for them.
I pray your brakes go out running down a hill
I pray a flowerpot falls from a window sill and knocks you in the
head like I'd like to
I pray your birthday comes and nobody calls
I pray you're flying high when your engine stalls
I pray all your dreams never come true
Just know wherever you are honey, I pray for you
I'm really glad I found my way to church
'Cause I'm already feeling better and I thank God for his words.Yeah I'm going take the high road,
And do what the preacher told me to do,
You keep messing up and I'll keep praying for you.
I pray your tire blows out at 110.
I pray you pass out drunk with your best friend and wake up with
his and her tattoos.
I pray your brakes go out running down a hill.
I pray a flowerpot falls from a window sill and knocks you in the
head like I'd like to.
I pray your birthday comes and nobody calls
I pray you're flying high when your engine stalls
I pray all your dreams never come true
Just know wherever you are, near or far, in your house or in your
car,
wherever you are honey, I pray for you.
I pray for you"
It gives me an odd peace and comfort. Well, if you'll excuse me, I need to go say a real prayer now!
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
The Doubtful, Guilt-Ridden Mother
This story begins with the decision a married couple made two months ago following the early miscarriage of an unplanned pregnancy: "We are going to be careful so that until we have healthcare, we don't have another pregnancy."
Last Friday, the fun little blue and white stick that women urinate on when their "monthly visitor" seems to have gotten delayed between stops popped up with a great big positive. WHAT?! Let me just say, for those of you who do not believe in aliens, I feel like I've been invaded. My emotions are all over the map, my energy is gone (which ironically makes the increased number of visits to the bathroom a serious chore), and since I am such a planner and this wasn't planned, I'm having serious anxiety.
Tomorrow our supplemental insurance from my work starts. However, there is a 10 month waiting period for pregnancy coverage AND you can't be pregnant for the 2 months preceding the start of the plan. So, the coverage I would have had for post-partum that would have paid our mortgage, utilities, and insurance - not gonna happen. Additionally, there will be no reimbursement for any of the hospital bills associated with the delivery. We rely on my income to pay those things listed. How do we pay the doctor, the hospital, and save for maternity leave? You receive a huge, and I mean HUGE discount if you pay at the time of service, but if we do that we won't have any money to live on after the baby arrives. Plus, what about all of the cost associated with a baby?
My faith has been completely shaken. I don't understand why God wants to bless us with a baby when a friend of mine wants one so badly, and has the means to provide for one, yet struggles to conceive. I feel so guilty. I should be grateful for this amazing opportunity, but me and my hyper-type-A personality are obsessing over details that may be completely inconsequential. For instance, I was thinking last night "the washer and dryer are over 10 years old, what if they stop working and I can't wash the baby's things?" or "sometimes Woody and I survive on noodles to get through the end of a week before payday, what if we need diapers?".
Does anyone else feel so completely selfish, or am I just a horrible person? Woody is thrilled! He loves the idea of "our baby" and thinks I'll be a great Mom. I think a great Mom wouldn't have so many doubts and wouldn't have taken an arrow to her faith. . .
Last Friday, the fun little blue and white stick that women urinate on when their "monthly visitor" seems to have gotten delayed between stops popped up with a great big positive. WHAT?! Let me just say, for those of you who do not believe in aliens, I feel like I've been invaded. My emotions are all over the map, my energy is gone (which ironically makes the increased number of visits to the bathroom a serious chore), and since I am such a planner and this wasn't planned, I'm having serious anxiety.
Tomorrow our supplemental insurance from my work starts. However, there is a 10 month waiting period for pregnancy coverage AND you can't be pregnant for the 2 months preceding the start of the plan. So, the coverage I would have had for post-partum that would have paid our mortgage, utilities, and insurance - not gonna happen. Additionally, there will be no reimbursement for any of the hospital bills associated with the delivery. We rely on my income to pay those things listed. How do we pay the doctor, the hospital, and save for maternity leave? You receive a huge, and I mean HUGE discount if you pay at the time of service, but if we do that we won't have any money to live on after the baby arrives. Plus, what about all of the cost associated with a baby?
My faith has been completely shaken. I don't understand why God wants to bless us with a baby when a friend of mine wants one so badly, and has the means to provide for one, yet struggles to conceive. I feel so guilty. I should be grateful for this amazing opportunity, but me and my hyper-type-A personality are obsessing over details that may be completely inconsequential. For instance, I was thinking last night "the washer and dryer are over 10 years old, what if they stop working and I can't wash the baby's things?" or "sometimes Woody and I survive on noodles to get through the end of a week before payday, what if we need diapers?".
Does anyone else feel so completely selfish, or am I just a horrible person? Woody is thrilled! He loves the idea of "our baby" and thinks I'll be a great Mom. I think a great Mom wouldn't have so many doubts and wouldn't have taken an arrow to her faith. . .
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Step-Mom on a Mine Field
Where has this year gone?! I cannot believe that Christmas is three months (90 days; 2161 hours; ah, you get the picture) away?! This year is going to be very special for me since it will be my first Christmas with Woody, and my first Christmas to buy gifts for my stepson, let's use my Mom's nickname for him, Speez. However, this also leads to many questions I have never had to consider before. . .
Speez is a fascinating young man. He will be fully preteen next week! He's creative, analytical, polite, sweet, and just generally kind. His parents are on opposite ends of the spectrum on almost everything, it seems. In turn, that makes Speez' mother and I on opposite ends of the spectrum since Woody and I are so in-sync when it comes to everything: religion, politics, family values. Yet, through all the differences, Speez has a true goodness about him. I think we have a lot in common. My parents divorced when I was younger than he was and they are also complete opposites.
What is my role in Speez' life? I believe my primary role is to love and support his father and work to encourage his relationship with his son. I also believe that my job is to love and support Speez. He has a Mom, he doesn't need another one. However, you can never have too many people who love you and want what's best for you.
How do I get along with someone whom I would never choose as a friend? I believe my role is to help Woody through the difficult times when he and Speez' mom (let's call her "The Mom") do not see eye-to-eye. One thing I can never say about my own Mom is that she spoke ill of my biological father in my presence or within earshot of me. She must have carried an immense burden in holding back, but she did that for me - not for him. I will also do that for Speez. Any discord between Woody and "The Mom" should not envelope Speez. There is not one thing I have in common with "The Mom" EXCEPT Speez - and he takes priority now. For the rest of my life, our lives are intersected. My personal preferences about character, politics, and core values do not matter. It hurts me to the core to hear that she's made comments to Speez that my marriage will fail, but that cannot be my concern. I will never negate or diminish her vital role in Speez' life.
How do we make Speez a priority, yet not allow "The Mom" to dictate our schedule? Woody and I agree that our priority list goes in a specific order: God, spouse, children, family, friends. If we don't live our lives according to this order, things become chaotic. On the flip side, since Speez lives 2 1/2 hours away from us, how do we set a consistent schedule when "The Mom" is unwilling to work with us? That is a mine field I haven't quite figured out how to traverse just yet. The only solution I have come up with time and time again, "Let go, let God!". I pray about it, and after last night, I pray a lot more frequently that God will help me hold my tongue.
Ten years from now, I hope to be writing about the time when "The Mom" and I didn't agree but came to a mutual decision to put aside our personal preferences to better Speez' life. In the meantime, I think I will try to save as much money as I can between now and December and buy Speez a better gift than "The Mom". . . (just kidding!)
Speez is a fascinating young man. He will be fully preteen next week! He's creative, analytical, polite, sweet, and just generally kind. His parents are on opposite ends of the spectrum on almost everything, it seems. In turn, that makes Speez' mother and I on opposite ends of the spectrum since Woody and I are so in-sync when it comes to everything: religion, politics, family values. Yet, through all the differences, Speez has a true goodness about him. I think we have a lot in common. My parents divorced when I was younger than he was and they are also complete opposites.
What is my role in Speez' life? I believe my primary role is to love and support his father and work to encourage his relationship with his son. I also believe that my job is to love and support Speez. He has a Mom, he doesn't need another one. However, you can never have too many people who love you and want what's best for you.
How do I get along with someone whom I would never choose as a friend? I believe my role is to help Woody through the difficult times when he and Speez' mom (let's call her "The Mom") do not see eye-to-eye. One thing I can never say about my own Mom is that she spoke ill of my biological father in my presence or within earshot of me. She must have carried an immense burden in holding back, but she did that for me - not for him. I will also do that for Speez. Any discord between Woody and "The Mom" should not envelope Speez. There is not one thing I have in common with "The Mom" EXCEPT Speez - and he takes priority now. For the rest of my life, our lives are intersected. My personal preferences about character, politics, and core values do not matter. It hurts me to the core to hear that she's made comments to Speez that my marriage will fail, but that cannot be my concern. I will never negate or diminish her vital role in Speez' life.
How do we make Speez a priority, yet not allow "The Mom" to dictate our schedule? Woody and I agree that our priority list goes in a specific order: God, spouse, children, family, friends. If we don't live our lives according to this order, things become chaotic. On the flip side, since Speez lives 2 1/2 hours away from us, how do we set a consistent schedule when "The Mom" is unwilling to work with us? That is a mine field I haven't quite figured out how to traverse just yet. The only solution I have come up with time and time again, "Let go, let God!". I pray about it, and after last night, I pray a lot more frequently that God will help me hold my tongue.
Ten years from now, I hope to be writing about the time when "The Mom" and I didn't agree but came to a mutual decision to put aside our personal preferences to better Speez' life. In the meantime, I think I will try to save as much money as I can between now and December and buy Speez a better gift than "The Mom". . . (just kidding!)
Monday, September 10, 2012
2012 NFL
Are you ready for some football?! Normally, my answer would be a very hearty "YES!" but this year is completely different for me.
As a Kansas City resident, you would think I would proudly wear Chiefs Red - uh, no. This citified-country girl is a through and through Cheesehead; GO GREEN BAY!!! Woody is a fanatical Steelers fan. My house will be in turmoil for the next 4 months! Let me explain. . .
Yesterday morning, on our way to church, Woody proclaims "The Steelers don't play until 7:20 tonight, so we don't have to rush home after church." This sounds odd to me, why? Sundays following church we always go out to lunch. Following lunch, we had some errands to run (Woody got to pick his own soap fragrance from Bath & Body Works), and it was such a beautiful day I thought we could walk around the outdoor shopping area of the northland, Zona Rosa. Within 10 minutes of walking, my darling Woody asks why we are walking away from the car on a "football day"? Good grief!! Back to the car we went, double time. Once at home, Woody took up residence in his chair to start the rest of his day. The funny part, the recliner he sits in his sage green; do you think he realized he was rooting for the Steelers in a green chair?!
Once the game finally started, Woody was in a great mood - laughing, joking, making small talk - until the 4th quarter. The pivotal play when the Steelers, who were in the lead, attempted a 2-pt conversion and failed (this would end up being their final scoring drive) and the Denver Broncos charged back down the field to score, and thanks to an interception thrown by "Big Ben" (my own nickname for the Steelers' quarterback), they quickly scored twice. I had to turn around because I literally heard Woody's happy mood bubble leaking air at an accelerated rate, especially after my involuntary giggles escaped while watching the interception! His mood didn't recover.
So, now I realize that I may actually have to root for black and gold on game days in order to promote a peaceful, happy environment regardless of the final score.
As a Kansas City resident, you would think I would proudly wear Chiefs Red - uh, no. This citified-country girl is a through and through Cheesehead; GO GREEN BAY!!! Woody is a fanatical Steelers fan. My house will be in turmoil for the next 4 months! Let me explain. . .
Yesterday morning, on our way to church, Woody proclaims "The Steelers don't play until 7:20 tonight, so we don't have to rush home after church." This sounds odd to me, why? Sundays following church we always go out to lunch. Following lunch, we had some errands to run (Woody got to pick his own soap fragrance from Bath & Body Works), and it was such a beautiful day I thought we could walk around the outdoor shopping area of the northland, Zona Rosa. Within 10 minutes of walking, my darling Woody asks why we are walking away from the car on a "football day"? Good grief!! Back to the car we went, double time. Once at home, Woody took up residence in his chair to start the rest of his day. The funny part, the recliner he sits in his sage green; do you think he realized he was rooting for the Steelers in a green chair?!
Once the game finally started, Woody was in a great mood - laughing, joking, making small talk - until the 4th quarter. The pivotal play when the Steelers, who were in the lead, attempted a 2-pt conversion and failed (this would end up being their final scoring drive) and the Denver Broncos charged back down the field to score, and thanks to an interception thrown by "Big Ben" (my own nickname for the Steelers' quarterback), they quickly scored twice. I had to turn around because I literally heard Woody's happy mood bubble leaking air at an accelerated rate, especially after my involuntary giggles escaped while watching the interception! His mood didn't recover.
So, now I realize that I may actually have to root for black and gold on game days in order to promote a peaceful, happy environment regardless of the final score.
Thursday, August 30, 2012
A Complete Change
It's been a very trying week. I'm looking forward to the weekend as we will be seeing our families, our horses, and just having some time to relax and unwind. It's also the first time that Charley will get to meet her new Mommy!! In fact, if you check out Simone's blog over the coming weeks/months, I'm sure you'll see updates on how this amazing little puppy is growing and changing: www.justsimone.blogspot.com.
Last night we got to use one of the gifts we received from my bridal shower - a grill pizza stone. I've never been a huge fan of frozen pizza. It's good in a pinch, if you're really hungry and financially constricted. I am now a reformed believer! Putting the frozen pizza on the grill is AMAZING!! It was done in record time and it gave the crust a crisp, delicious flavor like I've never had before. Thank you, Levi, for the idea a few months ago!
Tomorrow I have to do billing for work, so I will be coming in for maybe 2-3 hours. Don't misunderstand, I'm not complaining about having to do a couple of hours of work on a Friday morning and then having the next three days off. How did I ever work 5 full days a week for most of my adult life?! My plan is to drop Woody off at work at 5 a.m. so that he can get a couple of hours of overtime in this week, do billing, go home, play with the puppies, take a nap, load the car, pick Woody up from work, and hit the road. Then, the weekend really begins because we are headed west for Labor Day weekend!!
2012 has most definitely been a year of change for me. I changed jobs, I fell in love with and married my best friend, I rediscovered my faith, found a church and was baptized last weekend, and I became a step-mom. Prior to this year, my visits to western Kansas to visit family were few and far between. If I went once a year, that was enough; sometimes, sadly I must admit this, it was longer. My first trip to western Kansas this year was January, this weekend will be my 10th!! Woody reminded me of the beauty and wonder of our small hometown. It has become a place that I miss and long to go back to visit. It's also in our long term plans to return to permanently. It's amazing what a complete change can happen in a year. . .
Last night we got to use one of the gifts we received from my bridal shower - a grill pizza stone. I've never been a huge fan of frozen pizza. It's good in a pinch, if you're really hungry and financially constricted. I am now a reformed believer! Putting the frozen pizza on the grill is AMAZING!! It was done in record time and it gave the crust a crisp, delicious flavor like I've never had before. Thank you, Levi, for the idea a few months ago!
Tomorrow I have to do billing for work, so I will be coming in for maybe 2-3 hours. Don't misunderstand, I'm not complaining about having to do a couple of hours of work on a Friday morning and then having the next three days off. How did I ever work 5 full days a week for most of my adult life?! My plan is to drop Woody off at work at 5 a.m. so that he can get a couple of hours of overtime in this week, do billing, go home, play with the puppies, take a nap, load the car, pick Woody up from work, and hit the road. Then, the weekend really begins because we are headed west for Labor Day weekend!!
2012 has most definitely been a year of change for me. I changed jobs, I fell in love with and married my best friend, I rediscovered my faith, found a church and was baptized last weekend, and I became a step-mom. Prior to this year, my visits to western Kansas to visit family were few and far between. If I went once a year, that was enough; sometimes, sadly I must admit this, it was longer. My first trip to western Kansas this year was January, this weekend will be my 10th!! Woody reminded me of the beauty and wonder of our small hometown. It has become a place that I miss and long to go back to visit. It's also in our long term plans to return to permanently. It's amazing what a complete change can happen in a year. . .
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)